Midnight Musings – A lamp, a paper and a pen

The main reason why I started this journal was to allow myself to just write what I think about at the moment. It is something I would do earlier in a Microsoft Word page in my old computer. I was able to see the world in a better way when I wrote about things. Before getting trapped into so called normal life, I was just dreaming about it, and it looked better as a dream. I still just dream about it, and I don’t want any of it to come true, perhaps dreaming is a dream.

At this hour when everyone is asleep, I think about today, and yesterday and the day before. All I see is a room and some texts, stress, graphs and deadlines that won’t let me go out and take a deep breath. That breeze of early morning, beautiful quiet afternoons, cheerful evenings and peaceful night musings; I miss them all. I just can’t make it before dark to see the sunset. I allow to let the days pass as if it is okay to die sooner or just not live at all. I mean technically live, but not the way one is supposed to live.

Life would be better when I can control it and let myself choose to do what I really want to do. Sleep when I want to, wake up when I want to, and I just guess the time by how warm the sun rays are at the moment. The time for dinner is when it starts getting darker outside, but not completely. The time to sleep will be when we finish playing that last game or finish watching a beautiful film or series that some filmmaker made with all their heart. A simple demand but so difficult to achieve.

Do you think about this? Are you living something similar? Would you change it? Do you have a practical plan to change it? If you do, we should talk. I have some ideas, but I will muse about them a bit more and then will see if they can be true or they’re just better as dreams.